So, I’ve been playing Persona 4 way too much recently. I mean, the storyline is pretty awesome, graphics are alright, and gameplay is pretty hectic (with 4 jobs, 6 social links to build, and people to save from a T.V Death, poor protagonist doesn’t have any time to do anything else) but this is ridiculous.
But i guess my favorite part about the game is the Shadows. Not the monsters you fight in every dungeon, I mean the Shadows of the characters. Their true selves that they’ve repressed so much, they don’t want to believe that it’s truly them. Monsters that gain their true form when denied, who give the characters the ability to have a strong enough heart to accept who they truly are, and who give the character a facade to survive life’s difficulties with.
Yosuke who secretly fears being alone. Chie who acts tough, but needs Yukiko’s friendship. Yukiko who wants to escape Inaba. By denying their true feelings, they end up hurt and in danger, but their friends, who have seen the ugliest part of their heart, still comes to save them. By admitting that this is who they truly are, they gain their Persona, and new found strength within themselves and in their friendships.
I started to look at myself. What facade was I wearing? Was I wearing one? What would my Shadow say to me? What thoughts have I repressed so much that I can no longer accept them without fear of losing those nearest to me?
I tried to write as my Shadow, scribble my fears and hopes and truths onto a scrap of newspaper with a sharpie. Among the swirls and shapes, i can just see…nothing. Am I like the protagonist in the sense that I have nothing to hide? Have I already fought my shadow and beaten it, accepted it as a part of me, no matter how much I may want to deny it? Or have I just suppressed my Shadow to a point where I can no longer even reach that darkness, or tap into those inner thoughts and feelings?
I wonder if my Shadow will ever manifest and show itself to me, even if its in the form of a crazy hallucination. I want to be strong and not be afraid of who I really am or what I really think. Spill my heart and soul to those I love and care for, I don’t care. I just want to know that I can accept who I am, good and bad. If there’s someone there to save me from the danger denying it brings, at least I’ll know that I’ll never be alone.